I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
