best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
