Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
