How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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