I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
