i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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