I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
