Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The best revenge is premature balding
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize