Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
