I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
