I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
