This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
