wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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