I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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