At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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