She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
