Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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