Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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