So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
