You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
