i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
