I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize