It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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