she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
