One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
