Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
