the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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