I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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