Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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