Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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