dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
only you would photoshop your dick
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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