I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if only i could text you this smell
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
