I'm passing your future prison.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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