Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
