so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
