That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
