no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
