So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize