At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
