Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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