The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
