dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I AM VODKA MAN
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
