just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
