a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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