I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
