worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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