I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
