hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
