Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
