I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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