I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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