Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
