So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have already put on my inside pants.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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