I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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