This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
