i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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