i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
