porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize