drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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