Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
