just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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