He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize