i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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