Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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