you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
