I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
