i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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