I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
