One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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