every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just want to make out with him forever
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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