My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize