he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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