I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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