Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
