Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize