The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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