I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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