so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
