You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
