I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
