Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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