But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think I am morally bankrupt
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
