yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
