after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
