so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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