my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
