all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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