is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
