I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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