shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
