Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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