i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
