Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
