i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize