after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
