im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize