Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
