You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
