I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
